I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
