found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
