okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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