tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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