Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
