If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Shame is for Republicans.
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