at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
