Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Are my feet made of real feet?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
