Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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