I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No stitches, just platelets and will power
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
