and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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