3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
