I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was confusing and full of hummus
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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