Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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