dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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