hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
