CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
