Life is so much better after having sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
