And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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