And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, beer. Big fan.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
