I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
