you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
