Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
