my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
how does that bad decision feel?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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