Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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