it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He has the fingertips of a God
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
