i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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