we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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