when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
