can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
