You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
