I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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