She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
