I'm gonna have a badass scar
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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