i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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