I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
