Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
