My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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