god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
