i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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