worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
