Jerry, you need to find god
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
