i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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