tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
