Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
