I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize