If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They took my balls.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
