the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
