Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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