BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
