what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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