Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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