I'm lost and stupid without you.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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