areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
