I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
