You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
