I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
