Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
