508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
