Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize