between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
