i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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