your thong is hanging out like whoa
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
