when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
