She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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