I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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