But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He felt like a one man threesome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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