i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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