I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
