my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
