that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
