i think my mom watched the whole time
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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